Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Rules for the Rehearsal Dinner


I get lots of questions about the rehearsal dinner so let’s go over some of the rules that govern this wedding event.

1. The rehearsal dinner takes place after the rehearsal. This is usually on the day before the wedding.
2. The rehearsal dinner is in honor of the groom and normally paid for by the groom’s family.
3. (And this is a biggie) It should never, ever, ever, rival the wedding reception. It should not be more elaborate, fancier, or more expensive, no matter how much the mother of the groom wants to show off.
4. It should tell you something about the groom. Maybe a cake representing his favorite sport, maybe take place at his favorite restaurant, maybe use his favorite colors. For this one night, he is the star and the bride accepts a somewhat background role.
5. There is always the question of who should be invited. The rule is everyone that attends the rehearsal, plus really close family and out of town guests. Now if this is a wedding where just about everyone is an out of town guest, then this part of the rule can be ignored.
6. No you do not need place cards, if this crowd knows each other, but if they are virtually strangers, then place cards are a good idea. An even better idea is to have someone at each table that is assigned as a sort of “host” that gets the conversation going and makes sure introductions are made.
7. Keep the bar small, holding the drinking to a minimum. You want to make sure that everyone shows up in good shape for the wedding the next day. We heard of one couple that handed out goodie bags of aspirin, mints, stomach medicine and emergency numbers including a pharmacy and taxis. You want your bases covered.
8. Rehearsal dinners are the perfect time to have all those toasts that you don’t want done at the wedding. There should never be more than two toasts done at a wedding. Guests get bored quickly. Long photo montages have their place at the rehearsal dinner, not during the reception.
9. A nice touch is to have a card on each table listing the important names of the evening: Susan James, mother of the groom, Ellen James, grandmother of the groom. I also like cute little name badges for these people to wear that lets someone know that the person they just met is the GMOB (grandmother of bride).
10.  Have a good time with close friends!


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