More Parties - The Rehearsal Dinner

The rehearal dinner is a gathering of your closest family and friends

Let’s talk about the rehearsal dinner, that final party before the big day. Rehearsal parties can be so much fun. It is a time to relax and enjoy your closest friends, before all the drama of the wedding day.

The rehearsal dinner in most cases follows the actual rehearsal (hence the name). I have heard of a few instances of having the dinner first, and then the rehearsal but I don’t recommend it. I am asked the question of how to handle invitations for this event often. “Do you need separate invitations for the actual rehearsal and the actual dinner?” My advice is to send invitations to the rehearsal dinner and in the invitations sent to the wedding party include an extra card with rehearsal details. The card should give the details (time and place) of the actual rehearsal. You only want the absolutely necessary people attending your actual rehearsal. The fewer people, the quicker and easier the rehearsal will go.

Who is invited to the rehearsal dinner is up to you and the hosts. Normally, the hosts are the groom’s parents. It is traditional that all of the wedding party, spouses, and any immediate family attend. It has become the trend in recent years to invite any out of town guests. With the growth of destination weddings, the out of town lists can become quiet large, possibly including everyone. In this case, it is up to the host’s pocketbook how many can attend. If you are not going to be able to accommodate all out of town guests, be sure to give them lists of good places to eat and fun places to visit, so that they do not feel lost in a strange town.

The rehearsal dinner should reflect the tastes of the couple

The theme and décor of the evening is up to the hosts and wedding couple. It can be anything from a very formal dinner in a restaurant to a backyard barbeque. The best parties reflect the personalities of the bridal couple. I do suggest doing something that will not compete or over shadow the reception of the wedding. If the reception is going for a formal feel, then have the rehearsal dinner be a much more relaxed atmosphere.

There are not a lot of traditional requirements that must take place at a rehearsal dinner. If you are not planning on having a lot of toasts at the wedding, the rehearsal dinner is a great time for them to take place. The couple should thank their guests for attending and the hosts for the party and everyone for their love and support. It is also a good time to present your attendants with their gifts. You might choose to have dancing at the party or not. It’s a good time to show the video montage or love story of the couple. Whatever is done it should reflect the couple and what they enjoy.

Since the rehearsal dinner normally takes place the night before the wedding, remember to make it an early evening and get plenty of rest for the big day.

The Wedding Shower

Once the proposal is accepted and the engagement announced you are firmly seated on the “Party Train”. Suddenly you will be faced with all kinds of questions regarding parties. Who should throw them, how involved can you be, how many or how few should you have and even more important who should you invite. Once again our old friend “tradition” steps in to help you conduct the train and avoid jumping the track.

It used to be that showers were attended by the bride’s female friends with the purpose of “showering” her with all the items she would need for her new marriage. In today’s time, not that many people start off married life with nothing, so showers have taken on themes to help get the new couple just those items they are lacking. You can have kitchen showers, lingerie showers, and “honey do” showers. The list goes on and one. Also, no longer are showers held for just the ladies, now days it is just as popular to have a couples shower.

Other traditional rules have not changed much. Showers are usually held 3 to 6 weeks before the wedding. They are given by close friends or the wedding party. Since showers are parties where gifts are basically required, it is considered improper for the bride herself or her mother or future mother in law to host the party. It would not look good for a mother to give a party that requires a gift for her daughter, just a little too greedy sounding for tradition to be ok with.

Since gifts are required at showers no one should be invited that will not be attending the wedding. The only exception to this rule is the office shower. People in your office probably do not expect to be invited to your wedding (most know no one can afford to invite everyone they work with). In this case, it is ok to have a co worker plan one for you with an open invitation to everyone you work with.

So who should be on the shower guest list? Guest list are often made up of the bride’s close family and friends. No one (except the actual wedding party) should be invited to more than two showers. More than that and you are beginning to look like a greedy financial burden on your guests. Even the wedding party should not be expected to bring gifts to more than two showers. Make sure they understand they are welcome to come to more, but you do not expect a gift.

Typical Food Set Up at a Shower

Showers normally consist of light food, drinks and maybe a party game. There are dozen of different games that can be played at a shower if you are inclined. A quick search of the internet will turn up lots of choices.

The only traditional rule for what must occur is the opening of presents. Sometime during the event, you need to sit down surrounded by your gifts, start opening and then passing the gifts to all the guests for the ooh’s and ah’s of their approval. Remember to have someone seated nearby writing down each gift and who the giver was. This is for those thank you’s that need to written and mailed within two weeks.

Party Time - First up, The Engagement Party

Outdoor engagement dinner

Once you say “Yes”, you will suddenly be the guest of honor at more parties than probably any other time of your life. There will be engagement parties, showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties and rehearsal dinners. It’s one party after another, each with their own set of etiquette rules to help you navigate the wild party ride you will suddenly find yourself on.

First up is the engagement party. Normally this party is given by the bride’s parents within a few months of the engagement, but there are no strict timetable guidelines. Now days, it is perfectly fine for his parents or close friends of the couple to give the engagement party. Just check with the parents first to make sure no toes are being stepped on.

The party usually consists of either dinner or just cocktails. It can be a surprise announcement of the engagement or the guests can know ahead of time. Important to note – gifts are not required at an engagement party. If a guest wants to bring something, it should be something small, but gifts are not encouraged.

The only “official” item that must happen at an engagement party is the toast to the couple, normally done by the dad or the host of the party. While not required engagement parties can be a lot of fun.

Next we’ll talk about showers.

The Acanthus Wedding Venue

Last night the Upstate Bridal Association had their meeting at a beautiful new wedding venue. If you have dreams of getting married on a lake or want that “Gone With The Wind” vibe to your wedding, this is the place for you.

Located on Lake Lyman it’s a little bit of a drive from Greenville, but worth it. Homeowner, Angie Craig, told me that the home had been used for family events for years, but recently she decided to open it to the public. She was gracious enough to take us on a tour and every room is lovelier than the next. There is a huge bath and bedroom area for the bride and her girls to get ready in. Upstairs, is a den for the guys to hang out and wait for the wedding to start.

Receptions are held outside on a patio with a breathtaking view of the lake. They are in the process of building a covered area for receptions. The really good news is that you can bring in your own caterer.

How to Choose Your Bridemaids

Next to deciding who to marry, your biggest decision will be who to have in your bridal party. Seems like a no brainer right? Wrong, as a wedding planner, I have seen over and over the havoc an errant bridesmaid or groomsman can cause at a wedding.

Brides spend hours worrying about the right way to ask someone to be in their wedding. Finding just the right card or wording just the right poem or letter to ask a friend to be in your wedding takes a lot of thought. Maybe you should be spending the hours worrying about who is the right person for your wedding. Ideally, you want to choose your sisters, his sisters and your best friends. Notice I say ideally. There are questions you need to ask yourself and the girls before any decisions are made.

Ask yourself, what do I expect of a bridesmaid? Can this person easily fulfill what I want? First question should be…can they afford to be in the wedding? This is a biggie. Being a bridesmaid is not cheap. There are dresses and shoes to buy, showers to both give and attend, transportation to get to the wedding, lodging, makeup, hair, the list goes on and on. Think about the circumstances of the bridesmaid. Is she strapped for cash, going to school, planning her own wedding? Unless you plan to help with expenses, think before you ask. If you do ask, warn her about the expenses involved in what you plan and don’t be offended if she turns you down. Best plan is to offer an out when you ask. “I would love for you to be a bridesmaid, but if you would rather do something else in the wedding, I will totally understand.” Remember everyone has financial obligations and being in your wedding has probably not been budgeted into them.

Ask yourself will this person be excited to be in my wedding? Will they be willing to help with some of the tasks that might need to be done? Now, I’m not saying they are signing up to be wedding slaves, don’t become one of those brides. Will they be on time and I’m not talking about just the wedding day? Will they be on time placing their order for their dresses; will they be on time for fittings? Will they be on time making payments? Nothing causes a bigger headache for a bride, than trying to round up the bridesmaids to get their dress orders or payments in.

If you know your best friend is really not into weddings, never on time and constantly gripes about everything, I hate to say it, but she may not be the best choice for a bridesmaid. Discuss it with her, let her know what you will expect and give her an out she can take if she really prefers to be a guest and not a bridesmaid. You will be happier and so will she.

How to Have a Happy Wedding or Compromise It's a Wonderful Thing

Next to the “Yes” at the proposal, what word do you think is most important for a happy wedding? I can tell you without a doubt, that word is compromise. This is especially true when talking about the money for your wedding. Traditionally there are very rigid guidelines, hundred of years old deciding who pays for what. Believe me, there are reasons for tradition, mostly to guide you through a mine field of obstacles with the least damage. It’s hard for a parent to argue with you when you play the “traditionally” card.

But let’s say you are a non traditional kind of couple, nothing wrong with that. Lot’s of couple now days pay for their own weddings. Or it is a joint budget from his parents, her parents and the couple themselves that is going to pay for this wedding. Best case scenario, the parents just hand you big checks and let you make all the decisions about how the money is spent. Not, likely to happen, but great if it does.

More likely, the parents are going to volunteer to pay for certain areas of the wedding and with this come strings attached. They have their own thoughts and dreams about how this wedding should look. This is where the idea of compromise comes into play. Let’s say you have very definite ideas on the wedding dress you want. There is no room for compromise on that subject. Fine, then you pay for the dress and all the decisions are yours. Maybe you are not really that into invitations, but your future mother-in-law can’t stop talking about them. Fine, then let her put her money, and her say so into the invitations. She’s happy, you’re happy and we have a happy wedding. Maybe your Mom is all about the photography and all you care is that there are pictures recording the day. Same thing goes, let her involvement and her money revolve around the photography for the day. The important thing is that everyone comes away feeling that not only was their wallet used for the wedding, but so were their ideas and dreams. Compromise, it’s a wonderful thing.

Things We Love - Kathy Norris, owner of Kathy and Company

If you are a bride in the Greenville area, searching for the best cake company or caterer, your list is sure to include the name Kathy Norris, owner of Kathy and Company. Kathy is not only extremely talented but also a very sweet person. We were lucky enough to have Kathy give us a quick interview, so that you could learn more about her.

Tell me what makes your company special:
At Kathy and Company, we strive to make the most delicious and beautiful cakes and catering options around. We make our cakes weekly from scratch to insure great tasting cakes. We work diligently to make sure that a bride’s catering menu and wedding cake is truly unique and personalized for each wedding.

How did you get started in the business?
I always had a desire and passion for the culinary arts. This passion grew from the love and joy of baking and cooking that my aunts shared with me. Twenty years ago, the opportunity came for me to begin a new journey of my life and I started a cake business. With a dash of grace from God, pinch of diligence, and a smidgen of love from family and friends, my company has grown into a successful and unique baking and catering company.

What do you like best about your job?
Meeting with people and creating new relationships is a highlight of this job. It is such a wonderful opportunity to get to know the personalities of the brides that come into the shop and help them plan such an important piece of their weddings. When a bride meets with us, we truly form a relationship that carries us beyond the wedding day. We have had so many opportunities to create first birthday cakes for the babies of our former brides! These relationships are truly amazing.

Tell us about your favorite wedding or event:
How can I begin! Each wedding cake we create and each event we cater is such a unique and wonderful experience. This is another reason we love doing our job! Each day brings new delights and surprises for us to enjoy!



What are the questions a bride should ask when choosing a vendor in your field?
When selecting a wedding cake, there are several questions a bride should ask:
-When are the cakes are made and how? Sometimes, vendors will freeze cakes or use mixes. These cakes tend to be the “dry, white wedding cakes,” and guests will not be impressed by a dry or crumbly cake.
-Do prices vary on flavors?
Some vendors price their cakes based on slice, design, and variety of flavors. We only charge by design and slice, not by flavor. Each tier of your cake could be different, and we would not penalize you for this variety. We want your guests to be happy!
-How are cakes delivered?
It is a difficult task to create a beautiful and perfect tower of cake. We have seen cakes from other places fall! If a cake is stacked and delivered already together, there is a chance that the cake will not be perfectly built. We stack the cake on site, to make sure that the cake is as perfect as possible.

What’s the hardest thing about your job?
We work hard. Our diligence insures a perfect cake, but sometimes, the hours and longer weekends prove to be difficult. It’s okay though, as we love what we do! It is always hard to tell a prospective bride that we are booked for the weekend about which they are asking! We want to take all the cakes that come our way, but it is not possible to take more than five a weekend. So call ahead!

Anything else we should know?
We love what we do, and we love being a part of the culinary arts community! Whether catering an event or making the cake, we promise to do our best to insure a delicious and unique experience!!

Thanks Kathy for taking the time to talk with us. I know we will be working together soon!

Ribbon

The Bride and Bloom Spring 2008

If you love ribbon as much as I do, then you are going to love this idea. Need affordable inspiration for decorating the chairs at your outdoor wedding. Why not tie floating streamers of ribbon to the back row of your chairs. Imagine a soft breeze gently lifting the ribbons as your guests approach. It is inexpensive and beautiful.

Another idea for ribbon is to give each guest at your rehearsal dinner a length of ribbon to write their wishes for the happy couple on. Come wedding day tie the ribbons on the arch, gazebo or tree you are getting married under. You’ll be standing under all the love of your most special guests.

Wish Bowls

Sign in Mat and a handmade wooden box to hold wishes for the bride and groom.

If you are looking for a sweet idea for guests to do while attending the cocktail hour, why not have them write down good wishes or special memories for the bride and groom. All you will need is plain white or colored cards, pens and a glass bowl or container. The wishes written by the guests are then placed in a container until after the wedding when they are packed and stored away. The bride and groom will open them on their one year anniversary (if they can wait that long) to read and bring back all the joy of their wedding day.